Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Not quite a super trooper.

Remember Super Troopers? Pretty damn funny movie. Remember when they all got drunk and drove around smashing mailboxes, harassing people, and urinating in public? Funny stuff. Would it ever happen in real life? Perhaps. Except, at least in the movie, they managed to not crash the damn squad car.

Andrew Jefferson Page, 33, drove into a guardrail Feb. 16 on northbound Interstate 81, totaling the marked cruiser. He was immediately suspended without pay from the Roanoke Police Department and is no longer employed there as of March 6. [...] "He's very remorseful for what happened," Lawrence said after Tuesday's hearing.


Well, yeah, I'd hope so. I wouldn't think he'd put up a big attitude about it. "Yeah, that's right... I totaled that police cruiser. Y'know what I gotta say about it? 'FUCK YOU!' That's what I gotta say about it. You losers can go fuck yourselves, I'm out of here. And I'm taking one of you shitheads' cruiser, too."

So, not only was Page drunk and driving around in his cruiser (at least he wasn't in uniform), but he was also driving way out in Pulaski county, some 60 miles outside of Roanoke City. Police officers aren't allowed to take their patrol vehicles outside of their jurisdiction. Especially not 60 miles outside for a drunken joyride. Several minutes before Page had crashed, a motorist called 911 to report an erratic driver on I-81. No word on whether the caller mentioned a "drunken fuck in a cop car." The real kicker is that he might not have to pay for the cruiser he totaled. You're not even liable if you break numerous laws, as well as company policy in the process of destroying your your loaned company car? Now that's some job.

Perkins would not say if Page would be responsible for the value of the 2005 Ford Crown Victoria, and Lawrence said he didn't know. [...] According to court documents, a breathalyzer test shortly after the crash showed Page's blood alcohol content to be 0.16 percent, double the legal definition of intoxicated. [...] Page also was charged with a traffic infraction for not wearing his seat belt.

General District Court Judge Glenwood Lookabill suspended a 90-day jail sentence, but restricted Page's driver's license for a year. During that time, Page will be on probation and must attend Virginia Alcohol Safety Action Program classes. He also must pay a $250 fine. Lawrence said he thought Pulaski County prosecutors were fair, treating Page no differently than anyone else charged with DUI.


Um... As someone who has been convicted of a DUI, I call shenanigans. He didn't get the usual, he got the bare mandatory minimum. The usual, as any attorney will tell you, is for the suspect to serve 1 to 5 days in jail. Especially if you were so drunk that you totaled your car. The fact that this man was a police officer, driving around drunk in a fucking cop car , in my opinion, warrants that he be treated a bit more harshly than a typical person. And not wearing a seat belt? Tsk, tsk. Click it or ticket, man.

"It's been very hard on him," Lawrence said. "From the minute that he came to see me, he had all this remorse and regret."
- Source


"From the minute he came to see me he felt all bad and shit about getting all blotto and smashing the shit out of some really expensive publicly owned company property. He was all, 'aw, dude, I'm sorry.' And I was all like, 'hey, man. Hey, man... shit happens, okay? Who's my tiger? That's right, buddy. You is.' Then we had snuggle time and it was all good."


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